One Night Stand

I guess, technically, a "One-night-stand" is just a single encounter, but I always felt that if you actually knew the person fairly well, it wouldn't really qualify as a classic "one-nighter" For some personal reason, I think a ONS involves bedding a "stranger". I've only had two in my lifetime.. and OK, maybe a 4-night-stand. The disconnect, in both cases, was kind of a bummer. "Wow.. that was great! I'm off." Damn, not even a postcard?

If the test is like the purity test, then technicalities count. But of course, what would qualify as a technicality?

Wikipedia has this definition available: A one-night stand is originally a single night theatre performance (usually a guest group on tour), and today more commonly also a single sexual encounter between individuals, where at least one of the parties has no immediate intention or expectation of establishing a longer-term sexual or romantic relationship.

The individuals participating in a one-night stand typically have not known each other long and have had minimal time to get to know each other before engaging in sexual activity. A one-night sexual encounter is not necessarily always a one-night stand; the crucial distinction is the expectation or intention that the relationship will not necessarily be extended beyond the initial sexual encounter. A one-night stand is differentiated from prostitution, as it takes place without direct payment of money and from a casual relationship, which may not initially involve sex and may continue long-term. The term came from the expression one night stand, used for a touring theatrical company who would make a single performance in one locale before moving on to the next engagement, and to a place where such a performance was given.

A one-night stand can be thought of as an irregular and unplanned sexual encounter between individuals. The participants will usually have little or no contact with one another aside from sex. Thus it is possible to have multiple one-night stands with the same person, provided that there is no regularity to the encounters or planning involved in the encounters. However, where the people involved have a regular sexual relationship without romantic involvement, this is generally considered a casual relationship (also referred to using terms such as "no strings attached"/NSA, "fuck buddies", or "friends with benefits"/FWB), and is generally considered distinct from the one-night stand phenomenon.

Personally, I count as my one one night stand the night that I went home from a bar with a guy I'd actually dated years before, in high school, but had never had sex with. We had sex that night, and I never called him afterwards, so even though we'd dated previously, I consider the experience to fit the criteria of a one-night-stand.

In my mind, a one night stand could also be called a hit and run.
There wouldn't be prior history nor future history between the two parties.

Example in my mind is:
You're in a chat room
Have a hot conversation with the stranger who sends you a pm
You agree to meet that night
No dinner or dancing,flowers or candy
Just a hotel room
Sex
And check out an hour later
Never to meet or chat again.

To me one night stands, of this kind, would be very dangerous
physically, STDally, and emotionally.

One Night Stand is self-explanatory. That's about as long as you can stand each other because one of you was harboring uncertainty to begin with. Of course this says nothing about two people who may sleep with each other one night and for whatever reason outside of themselves may never do so again. But, a "one-night-stand" usually implies something fraught with sex-only as its motivation. One or the other got their licks and wanted to keep going. Such events are usually negative, for the one who didn't really care, lives with fear, now realized that it is probably their turn. As for the other, a bit of the soul is pulled like liver by a sharp knife and the ache haunts them like a choice made in haste and lacking discipline.

I agree with Poon as well. One night and one night only....never to be heard from or seen again.

i actually had to stop and really think hard about what i really believe about this topic. i started out by thinking, "hey, a ONS is cool, i've done that..." but then i stopped and thought back, and really i haven't...

my first started out as a one night stand that extended into a week of fun because i was housesitting for a friend, but then tapered off because we both had roommates and weren't interested in continuing a relationship - exactly what i was looking for at the time, fun and low-drama. a few times i've slept with friends as a once-only deal, and i *might* call those one night stands, but friendship continued after the experience in those cases. a couple of times, something has started as a ONS and turned into a relationship...of varying durations from a couple of months to one very serious relationship of two years.

i've found as i get older that i have *no* interest in sex without a connection. i'm not at all averse to sex for the sake of sex, but my attraction to someone is based entirely on a mental or emotional connection with them. i don't have to *love* someone to be into having sex wih them, but i do have to *like* them, and for me that doesn't happen *just* because i like the way they look. for me, it's a statement of value: i like X about you, whether that's the conversation we've had, the way i feel when i'm with you, or the fact that i appreciate our friendship...and in those cases, if i value someone enough to go there with them, it means i want to keep them in my life, although not necessarily in a sexual fashion.

i don't think it's wrong in any way to have one night with no intention of continuing anything. it's kind of culturally romanticized, and i can see how the idea is slightly attractive. but something in my head just clicks off at the thought of having sex with someone i know i'm never going to see again, like maybe i'm not valuing *myself* highly enough? interesting thought (digging into my brain pre-caffeine...) that's completely not saying anything about anyone else who finds enjoyment in a ONS, as i don't believe that *everyone* or even *anyone* SHOULD feel the same way i do...so i guess my answer is, i'm divided on the topic :-)

I have had one night stands, sometimes it was intentional. For example, I hadn't had sex in a LONG time and someone attractive, charming and sexy showed up at just the right time. And it was no narm no foul, just fun. Or in my younger years I would get disappointed that they didn't turn into anything else.
I know that I prefer sex with an emotional component or connection for the most part. But sometimes chemistry is chemistry and I don't rule it out.

I'm on a short leash tonight, so I may have to do this in installments . . . ;o)

There have been very few incidents where I only had limited (genital-based) sexual contact with someone, and each one was different from the other. The first time, I believe I was 16 or so, and was with a boy I had been "dating" for a month or so (meaning, at that age, holding hands and kissing, but exclusively) - Oh, crap! I'm remembering that when I lost my virginity it was, basically, a one-night stand. I guess I'd prefer to forget it. But, anyway, we were interrupted, and never really had enough interest in the whole thing to try it again after that. I was way too you to do what I was doing, emotionally and physically, without question, but you know *everything* when you're that old, right? Whatever. :oP

When I was 23, I had a deeply emotionally and affectionately intimate relationship with a lovely soul, yet she and I weren't really easily able to spend time *alone* together. After about two months of seeing one another (and having other primary relationships), we were able to make love together one time, and it was *magical* - a beautiful, shining jewel to take out of my pocket every once in a while to revel in its beauty. Our lives were such that we just couldn't maintain the relationship, but I treasure the experience and regret nothing about it - except for not being more adventurous, or asking more questions!!! I guess I didn't assume it would be our only time together . . . I still remember the feel of her body under my hands, under my lips and tongue, and I miss her. We parted sweetly. If ever there was to be a one time thing in my future, I would be so delighted if I came out of it feeling the same way, but I don't see how it is possible. Such a lovely thing to have experienced.

Between husband number 1 and husband number 2, I though I should "claim" my sexuality, like all big girls do, right? Camping at Country Fair www.oregoncountryfair.org/index.php , something akin to a Rainbow Gathering and Burning man, but with commerce and, now, no obvious drug or alcohol usage. I met up with friends of friends; friends of people that I had lost contact with during my 9 year relationship that had ended (poorly, at that). One man, in particular, was quite fetching - charming, intelligent, charismatic, English (yes, I have to admit that accent points count sometimes), flirtatious toward me (dressed in bellydance garb, as I was), and handsome, and I thought to myself that he would be a great candidate for my "experiment" in being liberated. Hell, my old friends liked him, blah, blah, blah, so. The sex - not so great. His cock was kind of wedge-shaped, or so my body told me. Small at the top, but it got bigger and bigger and BIGGER, until it was *completely* uncomfortable!!! It was over pretty quickly (which was fine, frankly), and I was left with the thoughts of, "Who the fuck *IS* this, really?" And then, "Oh, wait a minute - why didn't he even bother to engage in foreplay?!?" Did I *tell* you I was coming from a crappy marriage??? At any rate, the next day, when I got home and was trying to settle back into reality, he called and insisted that we go out. I wanted to give him another chance; to "legitimize" my experience, and help myself feel better about it. He was very polite and attentive, but I could see that the bartender was *very* comfortable with him; bantered quite a bit with him, but I was just another person on his arm, from the perspective of the bartender. Does that make sense? Like I was just "next"; an accessory that gets this guy's dick wet. Notes taken. At any rate, at the end of the evening, at my place, feeling like I have a handle on things, and can maybe just enjoy a physical encounter for what it is, it happens again, and is every bit as lame and not right as the time previously. Once he's done, I sent him on his way. He called again the next day, and said that he was actually dating someone, but that he found me *so* appealing. I thanked him, and STRONGLY encouraged him to stay with his other "girlfriend"; stroked his ego, which is disingenuous, but I knew that things would be easier that way, publicly and in the future. And I felt completely empty. Less than empty. Not his fault, all mine. Good for me to know that I'm not wired that way, and how completely unfulfilling sex without connection is, for me. If I don't know or trust you enough to relax and feel safe to be vulnerable, I have no good reason to have sex with you. Probably enough for now. :o) Hugs ~ Misha

Boy, sorry for being so verbose! This may belong more in the TMI tribe . . . ;o)