The Diamond Vine

The first time I ever had an orgasm, I was by myself. The instrument of pleasure was a little, cheap, purple $5.95 vibrator that I later named Old Faithful. Since I had never had orgasm before, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had been trying to have one for a while and was not having very much luck with it. Other people that I had spoken with about it said, just relax. Don’t be so focused on having one, just focus on feeling good. Do what feels good. If you think too much about having one, you will psych yourself out and be too tense. Just relax and do what feels good. Some folks said, drink a glass of wine. Some folks said, turn the lights down low, put on some nice music. Some folks said, think about a man you’re really turned on by.
So there I was, lying on my bed in the dark with Sutekh on the computer speakers, and holding the buzzing Old Faithful.
I had my eyes closed and was trying different configurations & speeds for Old Faithful. I wasn’t really picturing any particular man, more just concentrating on the physical sensations. Suddenly, completely unbidden, I had this vision.
I saw a jumble of vines, like in a rainforest maybe, and in the middle of the vines was a tiny, shining diamond. I thought that was interesting, and as I continued to experiment with Old Faithful, the diamond became brighter and bigger. I felt my heartrate going up and felt really, really good. I kept going. The diamond became bigger and brighter, and I felt my body tensing up, and then, white light and sparks shot out of the diamond, and all the vines twitched and twisted, like excited snakes. And my body contracted and I thought, “I think that was it. Holy cow, that diamond thing was it! I did it!”
I mean, WE did it. Me and Old Faithful.
It was the weirdest and coolest thing ever. And for the longest time after that, whenver I would have an orgasm, that was all I would see, that diamond and those vines. I didn’t think it was all that odd until my friend JP asked me what I thought about when I was pleasuring myself and I told him.
“That’s weird,” he said. “I have never heard of anything like that.”
“Well what do most people think of?” I asked.
“Sex!” he said. “They imagine themselves with somebody else.”
“Oh,” I said.
“But it’s cool, it’s cool,” he reassured me. “Whatever gets the job done.”
And then later, as more times passed, I stopped having that vision, and now I usually do just think of sexual situations. But the other day, I was with somebody, and the diamond and the vines came back, and I was real excited to see them. The orgasm I had was super intense, almost like that first one, and when my partner asked if I wanted another one a bit later, I said no way, I was still thinking about the first one, still trying to figure it out, because it felt like, well… what did it feel like? It felt like I had gone somewhere else, into some other land. Almost like when you take psychedelics. I had a lot of different thoughts in my head, all of them sort of connected, but in nebulous ways that I didn’t understand. It felt atavistic, ancient, something about shamans and shapeshifting. I pondered it all in my bed in the dark with my partner being patient and trying to help me arrive at some of conclusion or at least a theory.
“Maybe you’ve had sex with me before in a past life or something,” he said. “I was told I was Asian prince with a lot of concubines. Maybe you were one of them.”
“Yeah,” I said, playing my toes over the black iron designs on my bed, “That doesn’t feel right though.”
I still wasn’t sure what it was about, but it definitely felt good and interesting and important, so I was looking forward to finding out what it was all about.