and she is married.
she has been with other men, unbeknownst to her husband, and continues this behavior even today. I met her through a mutual friend and did some work for her. during that time she began flirting with me. suggests we trade massage... i know her husband wouldn't like this behavior and i quickly cut our communications.
she continues to give me text's, updates about her life, and quick "hello's" on a regular basis. it's making me nervous as i've already told her it makes me uncomfortable and i know her husband wouldn't like it. she laughs and goes on like we never had the conversation.
i guess it's been a while since i've met someone who seems to have no consideration for her husbands feelings, and now mine. Maybe he's doing the same thing and she hasn't said anything?
I'm probably going to discontinue this young friendship but it seems like a shame because she is a decent person in every other way....
Thoughts?
she has been with other men, unbeknownst to her husband, and continues this behavior even today. I met her through a mutual friend and did some work for her. during that time she began flirting with me. suggests we trade massage... i know her husband wouldn't like this behavior and i quickly cut our communications.
she continues to give me text's, updates about her life, and quick "hello's" on a regular basis. it's making me nervous as i've already told her it makes me uncomfortable and i know her husband wouldn't like it. she laughs and goes on like we never had the conversation.
i guess it's been a while since i've met someone who seems to have no consideration for her husbands feelings, and now mine. Maybe he's doing the same thing and she hasn't said anything?
I'm probably going to discontinue this young friendship but it seems like a shame because she is a decent person in every other way....
Thoughts?
posted by:
|
SF Bay Area
|
-
Re: i have this friend.....
Thu, June 26, 2008 - 11:54 PMMy advice would be to maintain your distance.
Since you know that her husband wouldn't like her playing around, this means that the two of them are not in a poly relationship, and that her infidelities and flirtatious behavior will inevitably get her into trouble. When that happens, anyone who's connected with her (past or present) will also suffer the consequences.
Other reasons to stay away from her:
1) She has little or no self-control.
2) If she has no respect for her husband (or her marriage), she certainly wouldn't have any lasting commitment to you.
3) Excessive promiscuity is sometimes a sign of a chemical imbalance in the brain, i.e. bipolar disorder or depression.
-
Re: i have this friend.....
Fri, June 27, 2008 - 1:35 AMI'd save the texts and show her husband, but I'm a bastard like that. I have absolutely no patience for folks who are lying to their beloveds and I won't participate in that deception.
-
Re: i have this friend.....
Fri, June 27, 2008 - 6:08 AMIf she doesn't listen to your concerns, then she's not really that great a friend. I think you are doing the right thing keeping your distance. If it were me, I would consistenly ask about the husband, if things are better between them, letting her know you're not gonna just pretend he doesn't exist. And if the flirtatious crap comes up again, I'd say "hey, that's crossing the line, don't do that". Yeah, and if she still doesn't listen? Let it go.
Perhaps if you spent time with them as a couple? Bring your own date around? Best of luck to you, I admire someone who sees clearly and draws the line at deceit. -
-
Re: i have this friend.....
Fri, June 27, 2008 - 7:10 AMWell the laughing off of limits you're trying to set is a big warning sign that she's really just all about her (well her neediness really and I suspect this will become apparent in other aspects of her personality that seem okay now when she's not busy trying to engage you in full on seduction mode, which she seems to be at the moment). I have absolutely no respect for people who try to get others involved in the slow crash and burn of a relationship they don't have the integrity to leave or fix. So, it's not surprising that I tend to see this in a similar way to Miele and Myriad do (with an added...run! run like the wind!!!). Do you have any relationship with the husband because I'd also bring the husband into the loop somehow or just get rid of this person (unless she's hugely entertaining and it's worth the drama)...I suspect you'll find that the neurotic needs she's expressing via attempting seduction at the moment will arise in other areas if you thwart her desires for an affair. Is she like this with all guys? Is sex/seduction her only mode of interacting with men? Some people just don't know how to actually be friends with others, not being able to balance out our personal needs with those of others is pretty important for friendship and it sounds like she's just not interested in that kind of balance. If you hang out on the high board with the unbalanced and needy expecting friendship, at least one person's going to end up in the deep end feeling deceived!
-
-
Re: i have this friend.....
Fri, June 27, 2008 - 3:45 PMI don't know. There is someone I love very much who I always had amazing respect for that I found out was doing this and I don't know how to assimilate it with the person I thought I knew. But I said to myself this is her issue and I can be her friend I do still love her and it's not my role to judge...and it still bit me in the ass because in order to be the awesome person she is and do something so far removed from her value of honesty and integrity it has to be wrapped up with some serious issues and denial.
Serious issues and denial add up to blind spot and I'm very leery of getting close to someone who has such a blind spot because it seems that when it gets tripped over it has so often meant that they sold me out rather than look at their stuff. I can only image the added issues if you are also someone this women is interested in and she is denying that you have set up boundaries.
I can't say that she's a bad person because of this or because she is ignoring your boundaries, but someone doesn't have to be a bad person to cause a big mess and hurt you badly.
-
Re: i have this friend.....
Fri, June 27, 2008 - 4:31 PMCooking bacon naked is dangerous!!!!
Um ,stay away from her. She's trouble, and not the good kind. -
-
Re: i have this friend.....
Sat, June 28, 2008 - 3:02 AMAhhh yes, the "good" kind of trouble... I could use some of that right about now. ;-)
I'm not going to risk a friendship with her. I love my life and respect her husband too much to risk it.
Sexy women: Two thumbs up!
-
