hmmm this is a hard one to answer because of the karma factor. you're right to clear your name, and depending on how you do it, you *will* actually show her to be a crazy-head. i dont know if you'll want to spend the extra to embarrass her. you'll want to think of ALL the conscequences. will people look upon you as one who gets vengance if you do that? will they think of you as someone who *tattles* (for lack of a better word)? i dont have a good vocabulary, so i'm sure there's another way of saying it.

if you *do* plan on going through with it...i would suggest looking at ALL the angles. good luck!

As a teacher myself I find it horrifying that someone can
get a judge to issue a restraining order against someone
with no physical proof. And I know it's possible because
I had one issued once. Now granted, there was a reason
for the one I got against my ex husband. But I didn't have
to do anything except go in and talk to a judge. To prove
that it was unfounded won't be easy though.

Scary!

What are you proposing to do that requires spending a little extra money? It sounds as though you're thinking of some sort of vengeance.

Clearing yourself: right and proper.

Going beyond that: I can't say. My instinct says that you yourself think it's ethically questionable, or you wouldn't be asking us.

Always take the high road when you hold the winning hand. It makes you look really good.

or, if you're more ethically inclined than me, do unto others as you would have them do unto you (not "as they have done to you")

Understandable, maybe, but not appropriate.

Separate the emotion from the problem, and take care of it, even though it wasn't an accident and it's not justice, release the emotion, resolve the issue, and move on. You will be a better man for that.

I have to say this sounds like a bad idea on many fronts.
First, it won't make you look innocent of any malice to then be attacking her legally. It's not going to help your case.
Second, it may even convince her that you are harassing her or feed her delusions.
Third, she is taking these actions because she suffers from psychological problems, not out of an actual intent to cause you harm. While her actions aren't reasonable or fair, they are the actions of someone who is ill and not in control of herself. However, you *are* sane and in control of yourself and you *do* understand your actions, so attempting some kind of payback would be petty, mean and pretty questionable.

if you wish to have her pay for your legal fees because the charges were unfounded, that's fine. If you wish to file some kind of restraining order or non-communication order because you feel she's harassing you, that's fine as well. But taking vindictive action just won't reflect well on your person.

smart people here in this tribe.

take the high road. two wrongs do not make a right, and trying to get revenge on someone who's already shown they're a little off is a very unpredictable thing to do.

Is it possible for you to ask the judge to award you the cost of your legal fees when the restraining order is discounted?

Informed partly by advice here and partly by increasingly serious allegations to the police by my former friend, I have ended up spending over a year's wages on legal nonsense, as is chronicled in some detail at CatherineLynneCarter.com

Thanks for your counsel, everyone.

Thanks, everyone, for your views and comments. The domain was actually registered back in 2006, immediately after she embarrassed me in front of an employee by having me served with the *second* subpoena within seven years, asserting I wanted to harm her for reasons she could never specify. Anticipating years of legal trouble, the domain seemed a good tool to have in reserve, and so it was. I am well within my legal rights, as she is with her previous threats and bogus complaints. What was important to me was to provide her plenty of time and opportunity to address her mental-health issues and withdraw her legal attack. She chose not to do that, so I went forward with what seemed morally permissible to me under the circumstances.

Having never struck her, threatened her, followed her, waited for her or damaged her property, I find it hard to see how my behavior merits accusations of stalking (which is one of the reasons that the site contains general resources on stalking). Given that I have not been to her house uninvited, emailed, telephoned or otherwise spoken with her in over ten years, I was at a loss as to how to defend myself against her dramatic accusations. I chose what seemed to me the least worst option and am comfortable with that going forward. At this point it is not so much about the principle of the thing as the money. I hope that the web site inoculates me against future accusations and demonstrates I will counter-attack, using materials which she introduces into the public record. She is playing what Eric Berne once called a "second-degree game," best neutralized by exposure.

I addressed my issues around her departure back in 1998 and 1999, having logged hundreds of hours in therapy around the issues that led to my severe depression. I wish that she had done something similar, rather than wasting thousands of dollars on lawyers. When a person interprets your presence on the Internet as a threat, has a gun-toting boyfriend and repeatedly tries to invoke the deadly force inherent in the criminal justice system, the number of legal and non-violent options is limited and mostly expensive. Before this is done, the entire thing will probably cost close to $30,000 to return to exactly the legal position she had when last we spoke in June of 1998.

Stalking is a serious issue, and any woman who abuses the system designed to protect against real danger and domestic violence does damage to the system and betrays the sisterhood. What I have done and am prepared to do is distasteful but legal, non-violent and necessary. It is also fairly clinical and dispassionate. Anger is not really at issue here, and although it started as being a matter of principle, it is now largely a matter of money.

I was bigger than her for ten years, which was enough, if not four years too long. Thanks again for your feedback.