It occurs to me that I think taboo might be an important if not vital element to all of the fetishes I can think of. Like once something is normal then it's not sexualized the same way. Does that strike you as true? whatever your observation is what do you think that means about fetishes.
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Thu, May 29, 2008 - 5:18 PMI think that for many fetishes taboo is an element, but not all. For example: what is taboo about feet? Granted, it's considered taboo to focus entirely on them, but we walk around proudly displaying our toes all summer. The same goes for noses. And there's nothing at all taboo about hair fetishism. It's considered almost normal for some guys to have a thing for pigtails or really long hair. And balloon fetishists? It's not really considered taboo, just weird. I do think that taboo items and behaviors are more likely to be fetishized, but I don't think that is a necessary component for kink. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Thu, May 29, 2008 - 11:23 PMI think I can go with more likely. Though I think the feet thing is not looked at as normal or anything. So maybe it's not so much that it's taboo...but that it is embarrassing in some way, that there is some shame or oddness about being into it. at least while it's becoming a fetish for someone.
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Fri, May 30, 2008 - 5:19 AMwow, i'd never heard of a balloon fetish before, so i googled it, and now i know more about "loonies" than i ever needed to. something for everyone, i guess. to me, entirely unsexy, i can't even imagine.
i don't really have things i would categorize as fetishes (weird interests, maybe ;^)... but when i was invited to a fetish party once, i said i should probably wear a telephone headset, since because i have a longtime lover with whom i primarily can connect on the phone nowadays, so the phone has taken on a more sexual meaning to me at times... and that's not taboo or embarrassing... it's just something that can have a charge to it, which is what fetishes are, no? -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Fri, May 30, 2008 - 1:12 PM"it's just something that can have a charge to it, which is what fetishes are, no?"
Socially, yes, and I believe we are discussing the social definition of the word fetish not the clinical definition. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Fri, May 30, 2008 - 3:54 PMwell I wasn't necessarily thinking of fetish in the strictest sense...but definately in that area, things that reach deep down. Something not just with a nice little charge to it for someone...but something extremely sexually charged for them. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Tue, June 3, 2008 - 6:41 PMI think not everything taboo becomes a fetish , and not every fetish stems from a taboo aspect of the fetishized thing.
But, I do think when things are made taboo it can add interest, excitement and allure. Particularly in the minds of the young, when you're kind of more in that sort of imprinting stage.
But it can happen anytime, too.
Fer instance, I never really considered marijuana to be my plant ally, particularly, but when I joined the service, suddenly getting stoned (back then the powers-that-be in the military couldn't distinguish pot from heroin - it was all drugs and drugs were the enemy. Or one of the enemies...) took on a whole new allure. Maybe as a way of maintaining some sort of sense of psychological independence as a token rebellious gesture.
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Tue, June 3, 2008 - 6:44 PMI'm not a looney, as much as I can ascertain with any certainty; but still, there is something rather cheering about naked women with balloons...but I think I want there to be cake, also.
Now we're talking!
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Wed, June 18, 2008 - 11:08 AMI have a question for a sexy woman going along the lines of the foot fetish. Is there something wrong when I can only how do I say this? come to a conclusion of excitement if there is a foot involved. My girlfriend is beautiful and sexy but thinks I like her only for her feet it's not true I like all of her! It's just I must have some obsession because I can only have the ultimate arousal "is that a better way to say it :o) licking a toe, grabbing a foot as part of the love making process. I feel like a weirdo but it's not in my control! When I met her I gave her a foot massage she told me later I didn't know you were getting to 3rd base on the first date! :o) Is there something wrong with me? -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Wed, June 18, 2008 - 4:50 PMThe only way to answer that I think is to say do you feel like there is something wrong with you? does this get in the way of your life or relationships?
I understand how your girlfriend feels, I am not everyone but I know that I could not be in a relationship with someone who had a fetish in the true sense of not being able to orgasm without that thing. It did make me feel objectified when I experienced it to some extent with an ex. But there are other women who enjoy it.
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Wed, June 18, 2008 - 5:32 PMThere is nothing wrong with you. You have an actual fetish. As SV stated the only reason this could be a problem is if it bothers you and/or your partner. Almost everybody has certain parts of the body that they really like, more so than others, but that does not make them incapable of appreciating other aspects of the human physique. Just try to explain to her that you become arouse all of her (I'm assuming this is true, yes?) but feet are your special trigger for going over the brink. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Wed, June 18, 2008 - 9:30 PMThanks Myriad. Of course I appreciate everything about her not just the feet. Like you said it is just a huge trigger and of course I reciprocate with any fetishes she likes. I think it did bother her in the beginning because she was like do you love me or my feet but you explained it perfectly it's a trigger and I don't really have much control over it. I think you are definitely born with a fetish because when I was in kindergarten I saw a girl in sandals and was like Wow! didn't know why but I liked it. I have no problem getting aroused and performing with out feet but it does take that to bring it over the brink. By not hiding the fetish and expressing it to her she does all kinds of things with her feet so that is an added bonus just wish I didn't need that all the time to go over the brink. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Wed, June 18, 2008 - 9:42 PMOops did I say kindergarten I meant the second grade. Since I play drums professionally for barefooted belly dancers part time I'm living the dream! :o) Very cool site to get a woman's perspective thank you! -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Thu, June 19, 2008 - 5:37 PMI know a very very happy man who works in an Echo sandal outlet ;D
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Fri, May 30, 2008 - 8:50 AMthat's why i've always figured that making marijuana legal would cause the number of users to actually decrease. part of the charm is in being forbidden. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Fri, May 30, 2008 - 1:15 PMBingo. Go to Germany and ask folks about the teen drinking problem. They'll look at you like you've gone starkers. It's not a taboo out there and parents regularly buy beers for their kids. They just limit the intake until the kid is old enough to handle their drinks. The only taboo is public intoxication, and that's a social taboo not a legal one. Being shit-faced drunk is considered very embarrassing. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Fri, May 30, 2008 - 4:08 PMI'm not sure I agree with that assessment... I grew up in Germany, and I think alcoholism is as much a problem there as anywhere. I think that Germans are more controlled about their behaviors in general, not just drinking related.
There is certainly a lot of "forbidden fruit" appeal to drinking for teens, yes, but if were all about being off limits, people would stop drinking when they turn 21. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Sun, June 1, 2008 - 12:46 PMObviously people don't stop drinking at 21 but most folks seem to have a couple of years of drinking like idiots once they finally can do so and then they calm down and learn to drink responsibly when the novelty and naughtiness wears off. Yes, some folks stay immoderate and never learn their limits, but that's true with everything, no? -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Sun, June 1, 2008 - 12:54 PMyou seem to be ignoring addiction as an option here. Like it's about learning limits for everyone. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Sun, June 1, 2008 - 5:00 PMYes, I am, because I'm talking about the average person coming of age NOT alcoholics, part of which has a great deal to do with genetic acceptability not the age of drinking, taboo status, or anything other than simple exposure to alcohol. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Mon, June 2, 2008 - 11:23 AMI disagree I think that age of drinking is a factor in addiction. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Mon, June 2, 2008 - 6:41 PMWait... what? How does the age of drinking affect physical addiction? You aren't more prone to addiction as a kid than you are as an adult. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Tue, June 3, 2008 - 10:49 AMeverything that I've seen says the younger you start using the higher your chance for addiction. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Tue, June 3, 2008 - 11:02 AMThe younger you start abusing, not just using, the higher your chances of addiction. Children who are introduced to moderate amounts of alcohol from a young age (like a glass of wine with dinner) are actually less likely to abuse later. Children who are already pre-disposed toward alcoholism are also more likely to abuse the substance early on. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Tue, June 3, 2008 - 3:09 PMHow do you know which children are more likely to abuse because they are pre-disposed and how many are more disposed because of how early they began using/abusing? and where is the line between using and abusing? -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Tue, June 3, 2008 - 6:53 PMAbusing a substance is using it to the significant detriment of your health and/or to the point that it significantly impairs your ability to function in society and maintain an adequate standard of living. Using a substance is just that: you use it. I use alcohol. I have even been known to abuse alcohol for a short period of time. I have not, however, become addicted.
Children who are most at risk of alcoholism are those who have relatives that are alcoholics. The closer the relation the greater the chance that the child is predisposed to alcoholism. Some ethnicities, such as most Native American tribes, are also predisposed to alcohol addiction. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Tue, June 3, 2008 - 11:28 PMwhile a genetic predisposition is a huge factor, i also believe environmental factors have a huge impact. there are few native american tribes that are thriving economically, for example. which i think plays a part. not that financial health deters people from addiction - there are as many rich people with stereotypically "fine" lives that fall prey. its a coping mechanism for many, for a lot of different reasons.
which i guess is essentially my point. there are a varying mix of factors to addiction that interact to create that condition. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Thu, June 5, 2008 - 7:12 PMOh certainly! Having community support, a healthy ego, being strongly self motivated, and an internalized cultural stigma against addiction all go a long way in helping people avoid addiction. Predisposition is just that; you are MORE likely to become addicted if repeatedly exposed to certain substances. If there are other psychological contributing factors this can make it very hard to avoid and/or kick an addiction to a certain substance or, in some cases, all substances. I just think that people put WAY too much emphasis on age of introduction and not nearly enough on other social, economic, and psychological factors.
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Sun, June 1, 2008 - 1:22 PMStrong - I think lots of people find breaking taboos exciting but if it's excitement they're after then it would need to be a process of amping up the shock/excitement value all the time. Novelty's like that no matter the context. Fetishes, true fetishes that is, tend to involve repeating the same or very similar scenarios over and over again. It's not the novelty but the sameness that's sexually arousing. There seem to be a lot of people into investigating fetish culture (S&M, B&D, fetish wear) now that it's so above ground - and exploring their own relationships with power and a more open sexuality - who aren't really true fetishists (in the sense that their fetish or certain situation *needs* to be present for arousal).
On a related fetish note, in the brain the feet and the genitals are located right next to each other. It's quite likely that finding feet sexy - a pretty common fetish or erotic zone - has to do with brain location and a sort of neurobiological fuzziness around the edges. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Sun, June 1, 2008 - 1:27 PMDamn, I should read the whole thread before I post and put my foot in mouth in a fetish thread! I'm obviously talking about the clinical definition of fetish. The rest doesn't really strike me as being fetishes so much as just a bit of kink, experimentation and play.
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Sun, June 1, 2008 - 2:29 PMoooh that is good stuff to think about. My automatic thought is that true fetishes do ramp up also over time. But I will have to think about that one.
I agree about the novelty thing, It's one of the reasons I don't get excited about pushing things further and further, if something sounds interesting to me I'll try it...but I'm very lucky that my nature is not to try to outdo the last thing. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Sun, June 1, 2008 - 5:07 PMClinical fetishes tend to be very ritualistic so many of them don't only not "ramp up" but don't change at all, ever. Sadomasochism is an exception. Clinical sadomasochism can be dangerous because the level of pain that is desired typically starts extreme and the fetishist works closer and closer to that ideal until they can end up doing themselves and/or their partners damage. Now this is NOT your average kinkster at the BDSM club, but this IS why the BDSM club puts such stress on the holy trinity of "safe, consensual, and sane." -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Mon, June 2, 2008 - 11:25 AMcross dressers seem to move forward in their rituals. Beginning with just panty hose for instance and then moving up, often having significant places they stop and remain in one ritual for a time before going past the line they have drawn.
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Mon, June 2, 2008 - 6:49 PMOnly the ones you end up seeing. The most common kind of transvestism is undergarments and stalkings. Many transvestites actually like that nobody knows they are wearing women's panties, or just feel no desire to get dolled up in full drag. I minority do desire to participate in full body transvestitism and because of the social stigma against this they often to have to gradually work up the courage to go all the way with it. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Tue, June 3, 2008 - 10:50 AMI have not noticed a difference in the people I've talked to or the things I've read. They enjoy no one knowing and feel comfortable at a certain level, even for years but then something happens usually stress in their life or suddenly having the place and means to do more they jump up a notch. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Tue, June 3, 2008 - 11:07 AMWell, OK, but your experiences don't match mine nor do they match my training. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Tue, June 3, 2008 - 3:15 PMI think on this kind of subject I'd doubt the training, though not necessary your experience. -
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Tue, June 3, 2008 - 6:56 PM*shrug* The training comes from surveys and from professional therapist's experiences so I don't see why I would trust my personal experiences more than theirs. The vast majority of people who report being transvestites also report that they are never visibly cross dressing and show no tendency to up the level of their kink over their lifetime. The same goes for most of the object fetishists.
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Re: taboo = fetish?
Thu, June 19, 2008 - 8:01 AMI've been gravely disappointed by a few ladies who were so caught up in the fetish activity that they would rather play at the activity than have sex. Generally I would rather that the fetish did something to enhance our enjoyment of sexuality rather than replace it. Fetish play is fun and all, but I need sex too in order to be happy.
