Sexual stuff followed by emotional stuff. Funny considering I write a kinky advice column. But as they teach us in life coaching classes, some can do certain things for others that they cannot do for themselves, like coach.

It's tough for me to communicate with my husband when I'm all kinda tangled up inside, in my heart and head - when I'm not sure if I'm just being neurotic, a touch insecure, or just plain old reactive and annoyed for no good reason.

I don't deal well with feeling pathetic or powerless, *ever*, so depending on how charged a situation is, it can take me a while to extricate the truth from the bullshit floatin' around in my head sometimes. That's probably a good thing; If I'm really upset or angry about something, I don't blindside people with tirades or freak-outs. I'm not a screamer or an arguer - I'll usually clam up until I can have a rational, well-reasoned discussion.

It also can get touchy when we're talking about current interactions with his ex regarding the little one. She gets my hackles up. >:o( That, and I *hate* being cranky/snarky with him when I'm really just *pissed* at myself for doing something stupid - FAR from productive! Luckily, he doesn't tend to take the bait. ;o)

Sex and sexuality aren't really a difficult subject for us to discuss. In part, I believe, because we both have a history of childhood sexual abuse, and years of healing and growing from that place, as well as our spiritual community and choices - it's o.k. to be Pagan, poly, bi, and married. Or not! We're well-matched, which is a nice place to finally be.

#1 My secret. No, you don't get to know what it is.
#2 My poetry and artwork (because it ties into everything else that is difficult to talk about and because I'm horribly insecure about my own creative "talents")
#3 Asking for something sexual I'm not getting
#4 My past. I start feeling really whiny and melodramatic.

its weird for me to try to isolate this just about my love. ive always struggled with voicing my vulnerabilities. anything that had emotional weight, made me feel vulnerable, i would just lock down. i used to be awful at it, until i actively made my self start to confront that. im probably the most open to him today than i am to anyone. its one of the appeals of being with him. that we seek to do that, actively, and thrive on the honesty and openness.

but im still not so great at that, i still have to work at being able to voice my vulnerabilities.

the hardest stuff used to be when i needed something that i didnt think he was into. it could be sexual, but also just relationshipwise. i hate making people do stuff if they're not into it. which is funny considering how i boss around people im comfortable with :P well no, actually, its because i know they will let me know if they dont want to.

but anyways. yeah anything that makes me feel vulnerable is hard.

The hardest thing to tell a person is, I'm only putting up with you because I need you in my life at the moment, but I don't really like you all that much and would rather be alone.

at this particular point in my life, its money/finances. which is really just a version of "something that makes me feel weak, vulnerable and powerless, something that I feel like I am ashamed of and have needs around."

I find it's really hard to tell him about something he's done
that he doesn't realize is a bad thing. Like if he offended
someone accidentally or something like that. He's really
sensitive and can get his feelings hurt easily.

Vixxen

odd, as I think about it I am not sure. I guess it is hard to talk about wanting stuff or asking for support hard to talk about feeling weak.

saying that thers a problem in our realtionship i want to address, its always taken as though im saying its HER problem, not OURS, i try to preface it, try to point it out clearly adn concisely, but nothing works. normally i just give up trying to talk about it and wait for it to blow up so we can discuss it then, in other words, i have to wait for it to be noticed by HER then address it, otherwise it just hurts her feelings.If its serious i make a big deal out of it and try to get it over with quickly, and as painlessly as possible.
She takes only a very few things personally so i cant complain, this is just a sore point with her , i get the feeling she was blamed a lot in other relationships, and is not used to a mate that feels all problems belong to us BOTH.

That's easy: talking to a S.O. about one of their bad habits! That's got to be the hardest thing in the world!

I hate to nag people, least of all a loved one. But if they're doing something that's detrimental to our relationship (especially if it's costing us money) then it has to be dealt with. But that doesn't make it any easier!